My top 3 travel destinations

I always keep this list. It's my "If everything I try in life fails then this is where I'm traveling" list.

1. Israel, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan and Turkey (listing 5 countries is not cheating, I'll tell you why) - I want to visit all of these places for many reasons. Plus they are all really close together so that's why I'm counting it as one "place".
1. Israel - I'm Jewish and what Jew doesn't want to go to Israel. Ok I know a few who don't but moving on....it's got great beaches, the Dead Sea, the Wailing Wall, numerous Jewish and Holocaust museums and thousands and thousands of years of history. Plus hot men.
2. Lebanon - Just because I'm Jewish doesn't mean I don't like Arabs or Muslims or those who are against Israel. In fact I don't like many of the tactics or policies Israel holds near and dear to its heart. That's besides the point... I'm very interested in women's rights and women in Islam. I'm a feminist and believe in equal rights for all beings but I realize there are certain cultural sensitivities, histories and beliefs around Islam and Muslim culture that many men and many women stand by.
3. Syria - Damascus is the Paris of the Middle East. Nuff said.
4. Jordan - Petra. Culture. Food. Food. Food. History. Food.
5. Turkey - The collision of the West, Islam, Muslim, Old and New World plus it's the cross road of three continents, needless to say I think Turkey offers something to every traveler.
2. Tibet - I've been enthralled with Tibet since my Grandma wanted to make me aware of how lucky I was to be born into American culture when I was a young teenager. We went an saw "Tibet: Cry of the Snow Lion". Then I spent some time in college in Dharamsala, India, the headquarters of the Tibeten Government-in-Exile. I think Tibetan culture is beautiful and very serene. I want to be on the Top of the World. I want to see Potala Palace. I've read a dozen books on Tibet, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Buddhism, the regional history. I'm very interested in Tibet. There is just this magnetic pull for me to go and visit and I can't explain it much more than this.
3. Indonesia - Read this article and then you will know why Indonesia is awesome.  http://www.gadling.com/2010/08/12/cultures-of-indonesia-sea-gypsies-cannibals/. I'm applying for a Fulbright Scholarship to Indonesia to be an English Teaching Assistant.

My list does change a lot. But this is today's list.

A little catch up

So a little update on what's been going on in my life (in bulletpoints because it's a lot easier):

• Vail 2010! WHOOP WHOOP! The best weekend of my life. Vail happens every year from July 1-4 and consists of partying, hanging out with friends, playing a sport and mingling with the opposite sex. It's great and this year was no exception. 
• I'm still seeing the guy, though it's very relaxed and we only see each other once a week.
• Work is work. I still love it but I'm very divided over whether to stay or not because I'm not sure I'll be hired. Ever. 

Now onto bigger and better things!

• I'm part of CISV. CISV is an international peace education organization started in the United States in the 1950s. The idea behind the organization is to foster international friendships so that you wouldn't go to war against a friend. There are hundreds of chapters around the world. Children as young as 11 can go to village. Interchanges, or two week home exchanges, are offered for 14 and 15-year-old teenagers. Then there are a variety of leadership training sessions available for 16, 17 and 18-year-olds. Finally, there is a program for adults. It's called International People's Project (IPP). Our IPP is unique and the first of its kind. So I have 15 international guests in town for two and half weeks. Those international guests are from Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Egypt, Sweden, USA and the Philippines. We are collaborating with Denver businesses to work on three distinct projects for the Denver Indian Center (DIC), a non-profit community center that supports job readiness, work programs and children programs. The participants and business will work together on three distinct projects: preparing the Montessori school, for one week and once the participants leave then the businesses will sustain the work at the DIC. Well that's the idea at least, hopefully it works out that way. It would be ideal. 

I'll tell you more later.  But look up CISV at www.cisv.org. It's awesome.

What does the World Cup mean to you?

DISCLAIMER: This entry was written the day the US beat Algeria to win Group C and advance in the World Cup. It just wasn't finished and I haven't had time until now. So it should be published on June 22, 2010.

Backwards or Forwards? I am not this flexible

Each day I get a Story of the Day from the StoryPeople. This is what arrived in my inbox this morning:

"Bending over backwards to keep from going forwards."

Today this quote particularly seems true for me. I want to move forward but I'm hesitant. What exactly does moving forward entail for me? It's really two options:

1. Staying and getting a grown up job (which I'm currently working but only part-time and endlessly waiting for a full-time position. Sometimes I think it's wishful thinking that I'll even be considered for that position). 
2. Leaving. Hit the road. Booking a ticket to Asia until Christmas. Or moving to the mountains. 

I've put in all this time and hard work to get myself this part-time position with a company and a culture I love. I love what I do and I love going to work. Not many of my friends can honestly say that. But at the same time, I'm young and in my 20s. I still desire freedom, little responsibility and the opportunity to explore. I'll have a job and career well into my 60s and probably will still be working in my 70s. So I'm torn. I just don't know.

Festivarians Unite

Last week I went to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. It was my first music festival and it was amazing. I don't think I'll ever enjoy another festival like I did this one for a variety of reasons:

• It's in Telluride, Colorado, which is located in the beautiful San Juan Mountains and San Miguel county in southwest Colorado.
• The festival strives to be greener and greener every year.  It's sustainable through recycling, composting, wind energy.
• I went with four amazing women. 
• Festivarians are amazing, kind, generous people. 

The musical line up was killer. Josh Ritter (below in a three-piece suite) played a great set on Thursday afternoon. Alison Kraus wowed the crowd with her amazing voice (but unfortunately left many people wanting to head to bed). Imelda May traveled all the way from England to surprise Festivarians with her amazing voice and great song set.

My two favorite performances of the weekend were Leftover Salmon and Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. Leftover Salmon was just classic bluegrass. The whole crowd was going crazy. It was the perfect set for the night. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros just flat out wowed Festivarians. Never have I been in a crowd that was as energized, as into a show and as excited about a performance.


Besides the performances there is so much to do in Telluride. We mountain biked, floated down the San Miguel river and road the gondola to the top of the ski mountain. The views are expansive and vast.

I highly recommend the festival. But in case you need a bit more convincing here is my final comment. It's simply heaven on earth.

Bad ideas...I seem to have quite a few

So it rained all weekend so I did not go hiking on Saturday with ex-boyfriend B. Thank goodness. This whole staying friends idea is not working for me. It turns out I actually don't like him - at all - and find him obnoxious, dull and void of any emotion which if you know me, doesn't really work since I'm 95% emotion when it comes to friends and relationships. Saturday night I'm hanging out with some friends playing games involving adult beverages when around 11 p.m. I get a text from ex-boyfriend B saying he wants to meet up. At this point I've enjoyed quite a few of these tasty adult beverages and decide it's a great idea to text back.

BAD IDEA #1

This texting back and forth soon ensued into me telling him he's an asshole yet I still like him which makes my hate myself for liking a man who isn't even really a man. And I mentioned a few times how I didn't think he was attractive and was a horrible boyfriend. Anyways my point is who at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night texts to an ex-girlfriend saying you want to hang out as "friends". Bull shit. That's a booty call.

The next afternoon I called and told him I was sorry.

BAD IDEA #2

He never accepted my apology and really I shouldn't have apologizes but that's how I role. All he said the whole conversation was ok. So then I told him I never wanted to talk to him again and hung up. Not exactly how I wanted the conversation to go but whatever. He is now out of my life FOR-EV-ER (Sandlot reference).

That isn't a great story when I type it up. Mainly because I don't care to get into the nitty gritty because in all actuality I wasted too much time thinking, talking or even trying to date this dude. So I'm not going to waste my time away anymore. Plus there are many more opportunities - summer opportunities - to go meet other gentlemen.

Why not?

Recently my best friend and I were talking about love and marriage and finding a life-long partner. Some days we are optimistic about the dating scene and finding the "one" and some days we could give a damn. But the other week she joked about how that if we don't find anyone then we should move to San Francisco and get married. I thought it's a great idea! Why not get married? I mean we are best friends and get along so well. We love each other but are not in love with one another (yes we both like men only). We are both independent and lively, active people. We are great at communicating with one another. We play the devil's advocate role but in the end always support one another in decisions. We could live in a house together with separate bedrooms and take care of one another. We would have legal rights to each others documents in case something happened to either of us, then the other could make decisions. We would still continue to date in hopes of meeting a man.

It's a little far fetch but then again love and lifelong companionship with a man seem distant and out of reach sometimes too.

Let's rub salt into the wound

Who ever sang "Breaking Up is Hard to do" was spot on.

I hate breaking up. Mainly because you've invested all this time into someone and then it doesn't work out. It fails. And me, personally, I hate failing. I take it way to personally - whatever it might be that I'm failing at during that specific moment.

So a few weeks ago I broke up with the guy I was dating for six months. I did it for a number of reasons: we were too different, he couldn't give me what I want, he's too reserved...the list goes on and on. The problem with breaking up with this particular guy is that I actually like the guy. I could see being friends now that I don't want to date him anymore.

Yes, yes I know what you are thinking.

"Mugsy, this just isn't going to work." Trust me, I hear my reasonable self lecturing my emotional-optimistic self later on once this has failed, and for a second time nonetheless.

Anyways the story goes on.

So today we are e-mailing back and forth about hiking plans this weekend (yes big mistake, I know) when out of the blue he writes, "I got offered a full-time position." Followed by: "It's a really big promotion with some good perks." Now let me preface this with our his situation and my situation. Ex-boyfriend B has been a tempt to hire for about 2 months since starting with a new company and previously he was full-time with a  different employer. I, on the other hand, have been at numerous levels of unemployed, self-employed, interned, part-time employed, full-time employed with two separate companies and currently, sit at part-time employed. So imagine what I'm thinking. No it's not anything along the lines of "That's great! I'm so happy for you. Congrats!" Even though that is what my reply was. My thoughts went something like this: "Are you flocking kidding me?"

No I do not want to start dating this guy again because of his improved job situation but I do want to show him up. No one likes to be out done by an ex. And it just flames my fire since that I haven't been hired on full-time anywhere yet (yes I'm actively seeking employment).  So now I'm considering canceling our hiking trip because I don't think I can face him. Plus it's going to be awkward anyways.

So right now I'm having reasonable Mugsy and emotional-optimistic Mugsy duel it out.

"They come for the winters but they stay for the summers."

I have multiple running lists in a little pink notebook. Lists of accomplishments, lists of places I want to travel, lists of types of men I want to date, and the lists just keep accumulating. Last night I was looking at my Colorado Summer list. It's a long running tabulation of places and events I want to experience during summer (my favorite season) in Colorado. So here's my list; some have been accomplished, others are summer traditions and others have yet to be experienced.

• Attend the Telluride Bluegrass Festival.
• Hike a 14er.
• Raft the Royal Gorge and the Numbers.
• Tube Boulder Creek.
• Run the Wild West Relay.
• See a "Film on the Rocks" at least once a summer.
• Bike the Ride the Rockies.
• Hike Longs Peak to see the sunrise across the eastern plains.
• Kayak Pumphouse State Park.
• Listen to a Bravo! concert in Vail.
• Backpack into the Never Summer mountain range.
• Attend the Teva Mountain Games in Vail.
• Mountain bike the Fraser experimental forest.
• Explore the vendors at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival. 
• Hike sections of the Colorado Trail.
• Lax it up at the Vail Lacrosse Shootout.
• Walk threw the various farmers markets throughout the state.
• Head out to see 'Blues & Brews' on Denver's Pearl Street.
• Bike with the Denver Cruisers and make sure to wear the theme for the evening.

There are more and I'll keep updating as I explore and find more interesting and fun things to do in Colorado during the summers. 

Reason Why

I'm busy. You're busy. So I'm not going to waste much of our time. And I promise to not use lyrics in another post soon.

I simply love this song. It fits to relationships. Mainly one of my relationships...my first, and so far, only love.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed my the door

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why

Check out Rachael Yamagata's "Reason Why." At first the song is sad but truly it makes you examine why you left. It makes you feel stronger after you listen to it a few times. It's all about maturity and realizing why you've moved on and why you are stronger. No, it's not profound. It's simple. It's eloquent. And it's powerful.

My first love will forever pull at my heart strings.

A Split Second

A girl at university got me hooked on song lyrics. Before her I never paid much attention to anything else besides beats and if I could dance to it. Now I appreciate good lyrics; although I'm a sucker for good beats still. And that girl is now one of my best friends.

Song lyrics can depict your feelings, boost your mood, lighten a sad situation and even provide good advice. But mostly, I think, good lyrics let you know that others have felt the way you are feeling at that instant when you listen to the song. It's assurance.

It's funny how some people walk into your life and stay for a while. Or some people fall through your  life for an instant. It's like they never had stopped falling so for only a split second were you on the same level. And what happens when you wanted that person to stay longer? 

Grace Potter's "Apologies" fits how I'm feeling but in an unexpected away.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away,
I said But what do you expect?
You asked me not to stay,
And if it all have been for the best,
I wouldn't feel this way,
He said, Oh, he said,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Now love is like a blanket,
It gets a little bit to warm sometimes I wanna wrap somebody in it,
Who can hold me in his arms,
Cause when it got a little to hot in there,
He was only stepping out for air,
And he froze, Oh he froze

Oh, He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eye,
He said, Ive always tell you your my friend,
I hope I don't have to lie,
Because its clear you love another man.
And I said, Your damn right.
And he said, Oh he said

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel, And Apologies,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
And oh that it hurts me,
That I didn't figure it out before,
And now its to late,
For us little queen,
Way to late for dignity,
Its time for apologies.
Apologies, Apologies, Apologies

This makes me happy

I can't remember where exactly but I saw this on a building in Italy. It's sad that whoever wrote this thought that the only way to get their message across was to ruin a beautiful building but I do like the message. I think too many people see the sad, depressing aspects of their lives and the world and not enough of the kindness, compassion and love that surrounds us. It also makes me think of Hugh Grant's monologue in Love Actually:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around.

 Happy Friday!

One Team, One Heart, One Love=One Movement

Below I have posted a featured opinions column, written by Joe Ehrmann which speaks to me on a number of levels but mainly it emphasizes how no woman should face violence and no man should stand by and let it happen. 

I love Joe's message and I hope you take away a lesson, like I did, from his column.

I went to Yeardley Love’s funeral with my 22 year-old son. The University of Virginia (UVA) lacrosse player was murdered earlier this month apparently at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer and many of the players on the UVA lacrosse teams. Sitting next to him, I could feel him trying to process his conflicted emotions surrounding the tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer. The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point I turned to a distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said “thank you” without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in my home state of Maryland, Colorado and the rest of the country.

At an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straightjackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, sharing or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of others. This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence. Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting and avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women and experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger or alcohol, gender violence is often the result. Violence against women is often thought of as a women’s issue. That’s a mistake. Since men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of this violence, this men’s issue calls to question the cultural values that produce men who hurt women. Sadly, Yeardley was only one of four women murdered by intimate partners that day. Who knows how many others were raped, battered, harassed or exploited by men that day and every day in America?  

Since Yeardley’s funeral was packed with athletes, coaches, parents and sports fans, we need to look at the role sports could play in preventing future tragedies. Athletic directors, coaches and educators have an almost unparalleled platform to bring individuals together to break the silence of gender violence and design preventive programs. Coaches can and should teach their players to challenge the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. Players need to be taught how to confront abusive peers and stand up and speak out on behalf of the women in their lives. Since so many boys live without a mentoring network of fathers, grandfathers, uncles and other males to guide them into manhood, coaches must assume part of this responsibility.  

I’d like to think athletic directors and coaches all over America brought their male and female teams together to help process Yeardley’s death and implement prevention strategies within their schools. Yet as someone involved nationally in the sports world, I know that did not happen. A teachable moment was overlooked in the name of tournaments and the reality that men often choose apathy when confronting the conditions that foster abusive male behavior. Two weeks after Yeardley’s death I watched both UVA teams take field under the banner of ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE. Moving forward, I can only hope Yeardley’s murder sparks ONE MOVEMENT to eradicate gender violence.  

Robert Kennedy once said, “Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence….Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of our generation.”  Each man and every coach must start challenging the social norms that define manhood and hold other men and players accountable for their behavior toward women.

For more information on how Colorado men can join the movement to end violence against women, visit www.coloradomenagainstdv.com. Together with domestic violence service providers, educators and community fatherhood programs, the Colorado Men Against Domestic Violence campaign is building a community of men who stand up and no longer tolerate violence against women.

• Joe Ehrmann, President, Coach for  America

Joe played professional football player for 13 years and was the NFL’s first Ed Block Courage Award Winner. Parade Magazine featured Joe on its cover as The Most Important Coach in America because of his tireless efforts to transform the culture of sports by reframing and redefining the social responsibility of coaches, parents and players. The Institute for International Sport named Joe one of the 100 Most Influential Sports Educators in America. He is the subject of the New York Times bestseller Season of Life by Jeffrey Marx, published by Simon and Schuster. Joe and his wife Paula, a psychotherapist, co-founded Coach for America to inform, inspire and initiate individual, communal and societal change through sports and coaching.

Drive on

Tonight as I was on my way to an after work engagement, I was stopped at a red light and there was a man on the side walk. He was graying, slightly hunched, sporting a Rockies baseball cap and a personal breathing aid. His sign read, "Veteran with cancer. Anything can help." As I was stopped at this light, I looked through my polarized glasses at this man. There was a magnetism pulling me towards him. More than half of me wanted to get out of the car and talk to him; offer to take him to dinner and then to where ever he might need to go. I kept thinking what if that was my parent, my friend or what if that was me, 40 years down the road.

All I did was drive on, because I was heading to an event, and because I didn't have enough guts to turn around. But I wanted to know about this man's life, his children, where he protected our country. I wanted to comfort him and make him feel cared for because I do actual care for him. My heart goes out to him. He has served my country; he's protected me and my freedoms. And I couldn't mustard up the courage to turn around and ask him how he was doing?

As simple as it should be

"I don't know."

That sums up my life quite well right about how. I have a dating relationship that is in limbo but probably closer to dead than alive. I'm currently only working part-time and volunteering the rest of the time. I coach too. But really at any moment I could walk away from it all. I have no ties, nothing financially holding me back and no apartment I would need to sub lease (one of the many great parts about living with the folks). I could simply backup and leave but it never seems that simple to me.

"I don't know."

I think that's the theme of my 20s.