Friday, May 28, 2010

This makes me happy


I can't remember where exactly but I saw this on a building in Italy. It's sad that whoever wrote this thought that the only way to get their message across was to ruin a beautiful building but I do like the message. I think too many people see the sad, depressing aspects of their lives and the world and not enough of the kindness, compassion and love that surrounds us. It also makes me think of Hugh Grant's monologue in Love Actually:
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around.
 Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

One Team, One Heart, One Love=One Movement

Below I have posted a featured opinions column, written by Joe Ehrmann which speaks to me on a number of levels but mainly it emphasizes how no woman should face violence and no man should stand by and let it happen. 

I love Joe's message and I hope you take away a lesson, like I did, from his column.

I went to Yeardley Love’s funeral with my 22 year-old son. The University of Virginia (UVA) lacrosse player was murdered earlier this month apparently at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer and many of the players on the UVA lacrosse teams. Sitting next to him, I could feel him trying to process his conflicted emotions surrounding the tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer. The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point I turned to a distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said “thank you” without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in my home state of Maryland, Colorado and the rest of the country.

At an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straightjackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, sharing or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of others. This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence. Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting and avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women and experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger or alcohol, gender violence is often the result. Violence against women is often thought of as a women’s issue. That’s a mistake. Since men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of this violence, this men’s issue calls to question the cultural values that produce men who hurt women. Sadly, Yeardley was only one of four women murdered by intimate partners that day. Who knows how many others were raped, battered, harassed or exploited by men that day and every day in America?  

Since Yeardley’s funeral was packed with athletes, coaches, parents and sports fans, we need to look at the role sports could play in preventing future tragedies. Athletic directors, coaches and educators have an almost unparalleled platform to bring individuals together to break the silence of gender violence and design preventive programs. Coaches can and should teach their players to challenge the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. Players need to be taught how to confront abusive peers and stand up and speak out on behalf of the women in their lives. Since so many boys live without a mentoring network of fathers, grandfathers, uncles and other males to guide them into manhood, coaches must assume part of this responsibility.  

I’d like to think athletic directors and coaches all over America brought their male and female teams together to help process Yeardley’s death and implement prevention strategies within their schools. Yet as someone involved nationally in the sports world, I know that did not happen. A teachable moment was overlooked in the name of tournaments and the reality that men often choose apathy when confronting the conditions that foster abusive male behavior. Two weeks after Yeardley’s death I watched both UVA teams take field under the banner of ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE. Moving forward, I can only hope Yeardley’s murder sparks ONE MOVEMENT to eradicate gender violence.  

Robert Kennedy once said, “Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence….Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of our generation.”  Each man and every coach must start challenging the social norms that define manhood and hold other men and players accountable for their behavior toward women.

For more information on how Colorado men can join the movement to end violence against women, visit www.coloradomenagainstdv.com. Together with domestic violence service providers, educators and community fatherhood programs, the Colorado Men Against Domestic Violence campaign is building a community of men who stand up and no longer tolerate violence against women.
  • Joe Ehrmann, President, Coach for  America

Joe played professional football player for 13 years and was the NFL’s first Ed Block Courage Award Winner. Parade Magazine featured Joe on its cover as The Most Important Coach in America because of his tireless efforts to transform the culture of sports by reframing and redefining the social responsibility of coaches, parents and players. The Institute for International Sport named Joe one of the 100 Most Influential Sports Educators in America. He is the subject of the New York Times bestseller Season of Life by Jeffrey Marx, published by Simon and Schuster. Joe and his wife Paula, a psychotherapist, co-founded Coach for America to inform, inspire and initiate individual, communal and societal change through sports and coaching.

Drive on

Tonight as I was on my way to an after work engagement, I was stopped at a red light and there was a man on the side walk. He was graying, slightly hunched, sporting a Rockies baseball cap and a personal breathing aid. His sign read, "Veteran with cancer. Anything can help." As I was stopped at this light, I looked through my polarized glasses at this man. There was a magnetism pulling me towards him. More than half of me wanted to get out of the car and talk to him; offer to take him to dinner and then to where ever he might need to go. I kept thinking what if that was my parent, my friend or what if that was me, 40 years down the road.

All I did was drive on, because I was heading to an event, and because I didn't have enough guts to turn around. But I wanted to know about this man's life, his children, where he protected our country. I wanted to comfort him and make him feel cared for because I do actual care for him. My heart goes out to him. He has served my country; he's protected me and my freedoms. And I couldn't mustard up the courage to turn around and ask him how he was doing?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

As simple as it should be

"I don't know."

That sums up my life quite well right about how. I have a dating relationship that is in limbo but probably closer to dead than alive. I'm currently only working part-time and volunteering the rest of the time. I coach too. But really at any moment I could walk away from it all. I have no ties, nothing financially holding me back and no apartment I would need to sub lease (one of the many great parts about living with the folks). I could simply backup and leave but it never seems that simple to me.

"I don't know."


I think that's the theme of my 20s.