What does the World Cup mean to you?

DISCLAIMER: This entry was written the day the US beat Algeria to win Group C and advance in the World Cup. It just wasn't finished and I haven't had time until now. So it should be published on June 22, 2010.

Backwards or Forwards? I am not this flexible

Each day I get a Story of the Day from the StoryPeople. This is what arrived in my inbox this morning:

"Bending over backwards to keep from going forwards."

Today this quote particularly seems true for me. I want to move forward but I'm hesitant. What exactly does moving forward entail for me? It's really two options:

1. Staying and getting a grown up job (which I'm currently working but only part-time and endlessly waiting for a full-time position. Sometimes I think it's wishful thinking that I'll even be considered for that position). 
2. Leaving. Hit the road. Booking a ticket to Asia until Christmas. Or moving to the mountains. 

I've put in all this time and hard work to get myself this part-time position with a company and a culture I love. I love what I do and I love going to work. Not many of my friends can honestly say that. But at the same time, I'm young and in my 20s. I still desire freedom, little responsibility and the opportunity to explore. I'll have a job and career well into my 60s and probably will still be working in my 70s. So I'm torn. I just don't know.

Festivarians Unite

Last week I went to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. It was my first music festival and it was amazing. I don't think I'll ever enjoy another festival like I did this one for a variety of reasons:

• It's in Telluride, Colorado, which is located in the beautiful San Juan Mountains and San Miguel county in southwest Colorado.
• The festival strives to be greener and greener every year.  It's sustainable through recycling, composting, wind energy.
• I went with four amazing women. 
• Festivarians are amazing, kind, generous people. 

The musical line up was killer. Josh Ritter (below in a three-piece suite) played a great set on Thursday afternoon. Alison Kraus wowed the crowd with her amazing voice (but unfortunately left many people wanting to head to bed). Imelda May traveled all the way from England to surprise Festivarians with her amazing voice and great song set.

My two favorite performances of the weekend were Leftover Salmon and Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. Leftover Salmon was just classic bluegrass. The whole crowd was going crazy. It was the perfect set for the night. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros just flat out wowed Festivarians. Never have I been in a crowd that was as energized, as into a show and as excited about a performance.


Besides the performances there is so much to do in Telluride. We mountain biked, floated down the San Miguel river and road the gondola to the top of the ski mountain. The views are expansive and vast.

I highly recommend the festival. But in case you need a bit more convincing here is my final comment. It's simply heaven on earth.

Bad ideas...I seem to have quite a few

So it rained all weekend so I did not go hiking on Saturday with ex-boyfriend B. Thank goodness. This whole staying friends idea is not working for me. It turns out I actually don't like him - at all - and find him obnoxious, dull and void of any emotion which if you know me, doesn't really work since I'm 95% emotion when it comes to friends and relationships. Saturday night I'm hanging out with some friends playing games involving adult beverages when around 11 p.m. I get a text from ex-boyfriend B saying he wants to meet up. At this point I've enjoyed quite a few of these tasty adult beverages and decide it's a great idea to text back.

BAD IDEA #1

This texting back and forth soon ensued into me telling him he's an asshole yet I still like him which makes my hate myself for liking a man who isn't even really a man. And I mentioned a few times how I didn't think he was attractive and was a horrible boyfriend. Anyways my point is who at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night texts to an ex-girlfriend saying you want to hang out as "friends". Bull shit. That's a booty call.

The next afternoon I called and told him I was sorry.

BAD IDEA #2

He never accepted my apology and really I shouldn't have apologizes but that's how I role. All he said the whole conversation was ok. So then I told him I never wanted to talk to him again and hung up. Not exactly how I wanted the conversation to go but whatever. He is now out of my life FOR-EV-ER (Sandlot reference).

That isn't a great story when I type it up. Mainly because I don't care to get into the nitty gritty because in all actuality I wasted too much time thinking, talking or even trying to date this dude. So I'm not going to waste my time away anymore. Plus there are many more opportunities - summer opportunities - to go meet other gentlemen.

Why not?

Recently my best friend and I were talking about love and marriage and finding a life-long partner. Some days we are optimistic about the dating scene and finding the "one" and some days we could give a damn. But the other week she joked about how that if we don't find anyone then we should move to San Francisco and get married. I thought it's a great idea! Why not get married? I mean we are best friends and get along so well. We love each other but are not in love with one another (yes we both like men only). We are both independent and lively, active people. We are great at communicating with one another. We play the devil's advocate role but in the end always support one another in decisions. We could live in a house together with separate bedrooms and take care of one another. We would have legal rights to each others documents in case something happened to either of us, then the other could make decisions. We would still continue to date in hopes of meeting a man.

It's a little far fetch but then again love and lifelong companionship with a man seem distant and out of reach sometimes too.

Let's rub salt into the wound

Who ever sang "Breaking Up is Hard to do" was spot on.

I hate breaking up. Mainly because you've invested all this time into someone and then it doesn't work out. It fails. And me, personally, I hate failing. I take it way to personally - whatever it might be that I'm failing at during that specific moment.

So a few weeks ago I broke up with the guy I was dating for six months. I did it for a number of reasons: we were too different, he couldn't give me what I want, he's too reserved...the list goes on and on. The problem with breaking up with this particular guy is that I actually like the guy. I could see being friends now that I don't want to date him anymore.

Yes, yes I know what you are thinking.

"Mugsy, this just isn't going to work." Trust me, I hear my reasonable self lecturing my emotional-optimistic self later on once this has failed, and for a second time nonetheless.

Anyways the story goes on.

So today we are e-mailing back and forth about hiking plans this weekend (yes big mistake, I know) when out of the blue he writes, "I got offered a full-time position." Followed by: "It's a really big promotion with some good perks." Now let me preface this with our his situation and my situation. Ex-boyfriend B has been a tempt to hire for about 2 months since starting with a new company and previously he was full-time with a  different employer. I, on the other hand, have been at numerous levels of unemployed, self-employed, interned, part-time employed, full-time employed with two separate companies and currently, sit at part-time employed. So imagine what I'm thinking. No it's not anything along the lines of "That's great! I'm so happy for you. Congrats!" Even though that is what my reply was. My thoughts went something like this: "Are you flocking kidding me?"

No I do not want to start dating this guy again because of his improved job situation but I do want to show him up. No one likes to be out done by an ex. And it just flames my fire since that I haven't been hired on full-time anywhere yet (yes I'm actively seeking employment).  So now I'm considering canceling our hiking trip because I don't think I can face him. Plus it's going to be awkward anyways.

So right now I'm having reasonable Mugsy and emotional-optimistic Mugsy duel it out.

"They come for the winters but they stay for the summers."

I have multiple running lists in a little pink notebook. Lists of accomplishments, lists of places I want to travel, lists of types of men I want to date, and the lists just keep accumulating. Last night I was looking at my Colorado Summer list. It's a long running tabulation of places and events I want to experience during summer (my favorite season) in Colorado. So here's my list; some have been accomplished, others are summer traditions and others have yet to be experienced.

• Attend the Telluride Bluegrass Festival.
• Hike a 14er.
• Raft the Royal Gorge and the Numbers.
• Tube Boulder Creek.
• Run the Wild West Relay.
• See a "Film on the Rocks" at least once a summer.
• Bike the Ride the Rockies.
• Hike Longs Peak to see the sunrise across the eastern plains.
• Kayak Pumphouse State Park.
• Listen to a Bravo! concert in Vail.
• Backpack into the Never Summer mountain range.
• Attend the Teva Mountain Games in Vail.
• Mountain bike the Fraser experimental forest.
• Explore the vendors at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival. 
• Hike sections of the Colorado Trail.
• Lax it up at the Vail Lacrosse Shootout.
• Walk threw the various farmers markets throughout the state.
• Head out to see 'Blues & Brews' on Denver's Pearl Street.
• Bike with the Denver Cruisers and make sure to wear the theme for the evening.

There are more and I'll keep updating as I explore and find more interesting and fun things to do in Colorado during the summers. 

Reason Why

I'm busy. You're busy. So I'm not going to waste much of our time. And I promise to not use lyrics in another post soon.

I simply love this song. It fits to relationships. Mainly one of my relationships...my first, and so far, only love.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed my the door

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why

Check out Rachael Yamagata's "Reason Why." At first the song is sad but truly it makes you examine why you left. It makes you feel stronger after you listen to it a few times. It's all about maturity and realizing why you've moved on and why you are stronger. No, it's not profound. It's simple. It's eloquent. And it's powerful.

My first love will forever pull at my heart strings.

A Split Second

A girl at university got me hooked on song lyrics. Before her I never paid much attention to anything else besides beats and if I could dance to it. Now I appreciate good lyrics; although I'm a sucker for good beats still. And that girl is now one of my best friends.

Song lyrics can depict your feelings, boost your mood, lighten a sad situation and even provide good advice. But mostly, I think, good lyrics let you know that others have felt the way you are feeling at that instant when you listen to the song. It's assurance.

It's funny how some people walk into your life and stay for a while. Or some people fall through your  life for an instant. It's like they never had stopped falling so for only a split second were you on the same level. And what happens when you wanted that person to stay longer? 

Grace Potter's "Apologies" fits how I'm feeling but in an unexpected away.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away,
I said But what do you expect?
You asked me not to stay,
And if it all have been for the best,
I wouldn't feel this way,
He said, Oh, he said,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Now love is like a blanket,
It gets a little bit to warm sometimes I wanna wrap somebody in it,
Who can hold me in his arms,
Cause when it got a little to hot in there,
He was only stepping out for air,
And he froze, Oh he froze

Oh, He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eye,
He said, Ive always tell you your my friend,
I hope I don't have to lie,
Because its clear you love another man.
And I said, Your damn right.
And he said, Oh he said

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel, And Apologies,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
And oh that it hurts me,
That I didn't figure it out before,
And now its to late,
For us little queen,
Way to late for dignity,
Its time for apologies.
Apologies, Apologies, Apologies