Backwards or Forwards? I am not this flexible

Each day I get a Story of the Day from the StoryPeople. This is what arrived in my inbox this morning:

"Bending over backwards to keep from going forwards."

Today this quote particularly seems true for me. I want to move forward but I'm hesitant. What exactly does moving forward entail for me? It's really two options:

1. Staying and getting a grown up job (which I'm currently working but only part-time and endlessly waiting for a full-time position. Sometimes I think it's wishful thinking that I'll even be considered for that position). 
2. Leaving. Hit the road. Booking a ticket to Asia until Christmas. Or moving to the mountains. 

I've put in all this time and hard work to get myself this part-time position with a company and a culture I love. I love what I do and I love going to work. Not many of my friends can honestly say that. But at the same time, I'm young and in my 20s. I still desire freedom, little responsibility and the opportunity to explore. I'll have a job and career well into my 60s and probably will still be working in my 70s. So I'm torn. I just don't know.

A Split Second

A girl at university got me hooked on song lyrics. Before her I never paid much attention to anything else besides beats and if I could dance to it. Now I appreciate good lyrics; although I'm a sucker for good beats still. And that girl is now one of my best friends.

Song lyrics can depict your feelings, boost your mood, lighten a sad situation and even provide good advice. But mostly, I think, good lyrics let you know that others have felt the way you are feeling at that instant when you listen to the song. It's assurance.

It's funny how some people walk into your life and stay for a while. Or some people fall through your  life for an instant. It's like they never had stopped falling so for only a split second were you on the same level. And what happens when you wanted that person to stay longer? 

Grace Potter's "Apologies" fits how I'm feeling but in an unexpected away.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away,
I said But what do you expect?
You asked me not to stay,
And if it all have been for the best,
I wouldn't feel this way,
He said, Oh, he said,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Now love is like a blanket,
It gets a little bit to warm sometimes I wanna wrap somebody in it,
Who can hold me in his arms,
Cause when it got a little to hot in there,
He was only stepping out for air,
And he froze, Oh he froze

Oh, He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eye,
He said, Ive always tell you your my friend,
I hope I don't have to lie,
Because its clear you love another man.
And I said, Your damn right.
And he said, Oh he said

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel, And Apologies,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
And oh that it hurts me,
That I didn't figure it out before,
And now its to late,
For us little queen,
Way to late for dignity,
Its time for apologies.
Apologies, Apologies, Apologies

As simple as it should be

"I don't know."

That sums up my life quite well right about how. I have a dating relationship that is in limbo but probably closer to dead than alive. I'm currently only working part-time and volunteering the rest of the time. I coach too. But really at any moment I could walk away from it all. I have no ties, nothing financially holding me back and no apartment I would need to sub lease (one of the many great parts about living with the folks). I could simply backup and leave but it never seems that simple to me.

"I don't know."

I think that's the theme of my 20s.