"They come for the winters but they stay for the summers."

I have multiple running lists in a little pink notebook. Lists of accomplishments, lists of places I want to travel, lists of types of men I want to date, and the lists just keep accumulating. Last night I was looking at my Colorado Summer list. It's a long running tabulation of places and events I want to experience during summer (my favorite season) in Colorado. So here's my list; some have been accomplished, others are summer traditions and others have yet to be experienced.

• Attend the Telluride Bluegrass Festival.
• Hike a 14er.
• Raft the Royal Gorge and the Numbers.
• Tube Boulder Creek.
• Run the Wild West Relay.
• See a "Film on the Rocks" at least once a summer.
• Bike the Ride the Rockies.
• Hike Longs Peak to see the sunrise across the eastern plains.
• Kayak Pumphouse State Park.
• Listen to a Bravo! concert in Vail.
• Backpack into the Never Summer mountain range.
• Attend the Teva Mountain Games in Vail.
• Mountain bike the Fraser experimental forest.
• Explore the vendors at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival. 
• Hike sections of the Colorado Trail.
• Lax it up at the Vail Lacrosse Shootout.
• Walk threw the various farmers markets throughout the state.
• Head out to see 'Blues & Brews' on Denver's Pearl Street.
• Bike with the Denver Cruisers and make sure to wear the theme for the evening.

There are more and I'll keep updating as I explore and find more interesting and fun things to do in Colorado during the summers. 

Reason Why

I'm busy. You're busy. So I'm not going to waste much of our time. And I promise to not use lyrics in another post soon.

I simply love this song. It fits to relationships. Mainly one of my relationships...my first, and so far, only love.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed my the door

So, I will head out along and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why

Check out Rachael Yamagata's "Reason Why." At first the song is sad but truly it makes you examine why you left. It makes you feel stronger after you listen to it a few times. It's all about maturity and realizing why you've moved on and why you are stronger. No, it's not profound. It's simple. It's eloquent. And it's powerful.

My first love will forever pull at my heart strings.

A Split Second

A girl at university got me hooked on song lyrics. Before her I never paid much attention to anything else besides beats and if I could dance to it. Now I appreciate good lyrics; although I'm a sucker for good beats still. And that girl is now one of my best friends.

Song lyrics can depict your feelings, boost your mood, lighten a sad situation and even provide good advice. But mostly, I think, good lyrics let you know that others have felt the way you are feeling at that instant when you listen to the song. It's assurance.

It's funny how some people walk into your life and stay for a while. Or some people fall through your  life for an instant. It's like they never had stopped falling so for only a split second were you on the same level. And what happens when you wanted that person to stay longer? 

Grace Potter's "Apologies" fits how I'm feeling but in an unexpected away.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away,
I said But what do you expect?
You asked me not to stay,
And if it all have been for the best,
I wouldn't feel this way,
He said, Oh, he said,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Now love is like a blanket,
It gets a little bit to warm sometimes I wanna wrap somebody in it,
Who can hold me in his arms,
Cause when it got a little to hot in there,
He was only stepping out for air,
And he froze, Oh he froze

Oh, He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel,
And Apologies, Apologies.

Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eye,
He said, Ive always tell you your my friend,
I hope I don't have to lie,
Because its clear you love another man.
And I said, Your damn right.
And he said, Oh he said

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
Yeah
And Oh and it hurts me,
Cause I don't want to fight this war,
And its amazing,
To see me reading through this scene of love,
And feel, And Apologies,

He said it's crazy,
How love stays with me,
And oh that it hurts me,
That I didn't figure it out before,
And now its to late,
For us little queen,
Way to late for dignity,
Its time for apologies.
Apologies, Apologies, Apologies

This makes me happy

I can't remember where exactly but I saw this on a building in Italy. It's sad that whoever wrote this thought that the only way to get their message across was to ruin a beautiful building but I do like the message. I think too many people see the sad, depressing aspects of their lives and the world and not enough of the kindness, compassion and love that surrounds us. It also makes me think of Hugh Grant's monologue in Love Actually:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around.

 Happy Friday!

One Team, One Heart, One Love=One Movement

Below I have posted a featured opinions column, written by Joe Ehrmann which speaks to me on a number of levels but mainly it emphasizes how no woman should face violence and no man should stand by and let it happen. 

I love Joe's message and I hope you take away a lesson, like I did, from his column.

I went to Yeardley Love’s funeral with my 22 year-old son. The University of Virginia (UVA) lacrosse player was murdered earlier this month apparently at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer and many of the players on the UVA lacrosse teams. Sitting next to him, I could feel him trying to process his conflicted emotions surrounding the tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer. The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point I turned to a distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said “thank you” without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in my home state of Maryland, Colorado and the rest of the country.

At an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straightjackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, sharing or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of others. This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence. Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting and avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women and experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger or alcohol, gender violence is often the result. Violence against women is often thought of as a women’s issue. That’s a mistake. Since men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of this violence, this men’s issue calls to question the cultural values that produce men who hurt women. Sadly, Yeardley was only one of four women murdered by intimate partners that day. Who knows how many others were raped, battered, harassed or exploited by men that day and every day in America?  

Since Yeardley’s funeral was packed with athletes, coaches, parents and sports fans, we need to look at the role sports could play in preventing future tragedies. Athletic directors, coaches and educators have an almost unparalleled platform to bring individuals together to break the silence of gender violence and design preventive programs. Coaches can and should teach their players to challenge the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. Players need to be taught how to confront abusive peers and stand up and speak out on behalf of the women in their lives. Since so many boys live without a mentoring network of fathers, grandfathers, uncles and other males to guide them into manhood, coaches must assume part of this responsibility.  

I’d like to think athletic directors and coaches all over America brought their male and female teams together to help process Yeardley’s death and implement prevention strategies within their schools. Yet as someone involved nationally in the sports world, I know that did not happen. A teachable moment was overlooked in the name of tournaments and the reality that men often choose apathy when confronting the conditions that foster abusive male behavior. Two weeks after Yeardley’s death I watched both UVA teams take field under the banner of ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE. Moving forward, I can only hope Yeardley’s murder sparks ONE MOVEMENT to eradicate gender violence.  

Robert Kennedy once said, “Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence….Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of our generation.”  Each man and every coach must start challenging the social norms that define manhood and hold other men and players accountable for their behavior toward women.

For more information on how Colorado men can join the movement to end violence against women, visit www.coloradomenagainstdv.com. Together with domestic violence service providers, educators and community fatherhood programs, the Colorado Men Against Domestic Violence campaign is building a community of men who stand up and no longer tolerate violence against women.

• Joe Ehrmann, President, Coach for  America

Joe played professional football player for 13 years and was the NFL’s first Ed Block Courage Award Winner. Parade Magazine featured Joe on its cover as The Most Important Coach in America because of his tireless efforts to transform the culture of sports by reframing and redefining the social responsibility of coaches, parents and players. The Institute for International Sport named Joe one of the 100 Most Influential Sports Educators in America. He is the subject of the New York Times bestseller Season of Life by Jeffrey Marx, published by Simon and Schuster. Joe and his wife Paula, a psychotherapist, co-founded Coach for America to inform, inspire and initiate individual, communal and societal change through sports and coaching.

Drive on

Tonight as I was on my way to an after work engagement, I was stopped at a red light and there was a man on the side walk. He was graying, slightly hunched, sporting a Rockies baseball cap and a personal breathing aid. His sign read, "Veteran with cancer. Anything can help." As I was stopped at this light, I looked through my polarized glasses at this man. There was a magnetism pulling me towards him. More than half of me wanted to get out of the car and talk to him; offer to take him to dinner and then to where ever he might need to go. I kept thinking what if that was my parent, my friend or what if that was me, 40 years down the road.

All I did was drive on, because I was heading to an event, and because I didn't have enough guts to turn around. But I wanted to know about this man's life, his children, where he protected our country. I wanted to comfort him and make him feel cared for because I do actual care for him. My heart goes out to him. He has served my country; he's protected me and my freedoms. And I couldn't mustard up the courage to turn around and ask him how he was doing?

As simple as it should be

"I don't know."

That sums up my life quite well right about how. I have a dating relationship that is in limbo but probably closer to dead than alive. I'm currently only working part-time and volunteering the rest of the time. I coach too. But really at any moment I could walk away from it all. I have no ties, nothing financially holding me back and no apartment I would need to sub lease (one of the many great parts about living with the folks). I could simply backup and leave but it never seems that simple to me.

"I don't know."

I think that's the theme of my 20s.